The Bitter Feel in my Heart...

2nd of September, 2008 Tuesday

Long have i not gone home. Its been 3 years...
Long time for me to study... But Its much longer for my parents not seeing me for the period...
Although sometimes I went back home, But seems like I am not really at home. Back home for about 2 days? Is that enough for them to see their lovely child? Now that my younger brother has gone far away from home, its hurts more in their heart. We both now seldom can have da chance to go back our home sweet home...

Yest my tears started to appear around my eyes, it was very hard to resist... Sunday night daddy just arrive at KLIA from New Zealand. The first thing he came down from the flight was phone me asking hows my car. Called me drove the car to the hotel where he would be staying. Didnt scold or blame me, not even one word. He just stood and see the car, then just tried to fix it. It was a long journey, I would know that his very tired. We go for dinner that night. Just had some Q&A as usual. We didnt talk much for 21 years since then... Dads the kind of people that seldom talks. But i know that many things he wanted to know, just dont have the right time to ask... Most of da time will just pass through silently... The next day i know, we used the whole morning to fix the car. Dad was very eager to fix the door. I told him i would stick it back myself, but he just wonder around finding the right material to fix it... After all the time spent on the car, its time to say good bye.

I didnt feel anything when i first say good bye after he went into the taxi preparing to go KLIA. I drove my car like usual. It was then at the traffic light, dad purposely called me to tell me close the door tightly. I knew it was tighten d. Traffic lights turn green, Taxi went to the right. Dad was still looking back at me from inside the taxi. It was like a heavy farewell... I started to feel the bitterness in my heart, tears started to form up around my eye. The feeling just cant go away for a long time ~~~~~

How many times has dad endure this kind of feeling! When sending me to study far away, somemore need to endure it when sending younger brother to work far away. He would just kept asking the same question all around. Enough pocket money? Got bring some food when in bus? When will we came back home? I just cant answer all the question.
Pocket money? Dad is not a businessman and is not rich. How much he gave i spend how much, never over spend. Be considerate and dont ask for extra. Every penny earn it hard work for them. Food in bus? You already bring me to eat before in bus, somemore kept callling all the dishes. how could we possibly be hungry. When will I come back? I also hope that the time come faster when i could come back.

I really miss u, dad. Although we dont have long conversation, but i truly felt in my heart ur caring and love. I love you~~~~

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